By the skin of one's knees

and dragged across a parking lot by a clipped on tie
Eric is beside himself
with rage and contemplation
consternation, satiation
and an anger he can't place
a villain he can't catch
an idea so vile
that he blushes at the thought of it
to be fighting with someone who isn't around to defend
but occasionally he needs to release
and this is a safe way to do it
so he doesn't return phone calls
and he tries to isolate himself
and then for a little while he struggles
looking for meaning where there is none
writing a thesis on a blank piece of paper
and typing it on the very same piece
he perpetuates himself
and then
without warning
he escapes this moment of frustrating hopelessness
with a blinding flash of hope
and love
sometimes coming from nowhere, inexplicably
dragged across a parking lot
in a cheap suit
by common sense
by himself
making it each time
only by the skin
of his bloody knees
self help is worth the cost of new pants
of a few band aids



Eric takes off his tie and sits down.


I am being put to use!
I am a glutton for my own punishment
I am both the problem and the solution
and I am here to understand that
I am here to understand
to tell myself these things



In 45 minutes
Eric will be a politician
sleeping with someone he hardly knows
and Eric will wake up the next day
sorry
always sorry
but this time
it will be different.



Eric puts his tie back on.