Opening Statement / A Testimonial

How much longer can this possibly last?
injustice is imbalanced, and an equilibrium must be reached
does my happiness weigh just as much as all of this misfortune?

Where is it?
the contentedness they claim comes from inside me is notably absent from today's proceedings
in its place, the people who represent all of the places I have failed
all of my misgivings
my shortcomings
every time I didn't measure up
every witness to my insufficience

they all have come to see me stand trial
and I ask you, Jury of my seemingly random peers
How much longer do I have to wait for the sun to come out
how much rain must one endure?
how long do I have to watch myself drowning in the gutters before this precipitation evaporates


Let me tell you a story, ladies and gentlemen of the jury
let me confess
let me testify


I have looked into the eyes of my love
and her eyes have stared into mine
and I have felt something real
And that moment
brought forth the most powerful of feelings
stirred deep in me something I cannot hope to describe here

And so as I always do
I took all of my joy and hope
and all of the love I had
and I poured it into her

And for a time, it was good.

But she feared something in me
she had been scarred
she had been hurt
she saw in me but another chance to be tied down
to be held against her will
to be cut by the ever-present blade that sneaks its way into even the most courteous gentleman's pocket


And so she lived this way, she ran until she lost sight of me
and then she would stop
set up camp
(in a clearing, alonestly, in a wooded place you may remember)
and when I arrived
I would catch fleeting glances of warmth behind her guarding eyes

and then

a flash of white
like a rabbit vanishing into the tall grass
like a deer gracefully leaping into the woods


Now, Ladies and gentleman of the jury
and for that matter, those seated for the prosecution
feel free to object at any time
feel free
like I once did


It came to pass that I would have her
and in the letters she sent she spoke of growth
and of a new day
and of the most wonderful of feelings
of comfort in one another
of joy in the simple moments

she spoke of what most men would call love
someone to share your dreams, your desires, your successes and failures
your heart.

Could this be it? I wondered
a break from the madness
a calm from the storm
happiness with another, something I had longed for
despite my contentedness?

(It is true, I was content
and it's the only way I could have loved her
I could be myself
and still care for her
and her for me)

Would she be someone I could share my passions with
my ideas, however convoluted
my interests, however bizarre
my dreams, how silly they were/are!

And so that day came when I was to finally see it come forth

and on that day something happened

forgive me, my memory fails me

but it seemed like I was myself
and then suddenly,

she was gone


or is she?


It's painfully unclear at this point.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...

Hello?






Hello?





Fitting.