Live!

Live!

I find lav mics sewn into my collared shirts
I walk with an entourage of booms and grips
and they quickly move to frame their shots

the producer whispers things into my ear
about drunk dialing or crying or lashing out
good for ratings, he says
sweeps week, he says

I do my best to speak quietly
but they have me close captioned
I try to outrun them
but they are always watching
streaming

Live!

and so I place the blame on myself
speaking to the camera in confessional
I wish they'd lose interest
find another brush to dip in liquid drama
and drag across this concrete canvas

But I am afraid to live without them
my crew
my assistants
the cameras
the microphones
watching my every move
the producer
always congratulating me on a good take

because when they're gone
who will be watching?
no one
who will care?
no one

so I sabotage myself at every turn
giving them a reason to watch