1.
Eyes that look deeply
A smile that I know
broad vulnerability
A comforting touch
Something worth fighting for
Worth doing right
A chance to mean those things I say
A firey whirlwind
Of color and light
You can smell the sights
Hear the tastes
And all I want is this, forever
It's awkward and clumsy
Like I had feared
But laughed off
I'm safe; we are safe here
It's the small things that get me
A head in the lap
Stroked hair and a contented sigh
Each moment an hour
Each hour too short
Our long goodbye hurts
But I convince myself it's alright
All in due time
We're finally on track
We're getting what we deserve
A heart-wrench
Thrown into my works
Every single piece
My body fights my movements
My brain fights my heart
My heart bleeds
The ones who mean the most
Suffer the same
They'll forgive me in time
They shouldn't have to
I selfishly protect myself out of fear
And snatch defeat
From the steely jaws of victory
It's
Coarse and unfair
Like a dismissive hand-wave
I can see what it has wrought
But only in retrospect
And that's it, those little moments
Those thorns on the rose
The wine isn't poisoned
But it's sour on the nose
I beg and I plead and I look pathetic
"Oh" they say
"Oh, so that's who he is."
3.
That's who I was
A scared little boy
Frightened of upsetting the balance
But also selfish enough to
Set the hook
That's who I used to be
Panicked and nervous
Undeserving and ungrateful
Careless
That's not who I am
That's not who I will be
She sees it in me, it's the only reason she puts up with it
She knows that I am stronger
Even when I'm convinced I am not
Still, I did it
I waved my hand
I shushed
I shrunk down and nervously glanced over my shoulder
I put myself before the one person who matters most
4.
He looks at me in the mirror
"What the hell is wrong with you?
You're going to
Throw this away?
You're going to act like a child?"
No, I tell him
That is who I used to be
It's time to show her
Show everyone
Who I am
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