Silence.

How do I write a poem
for someone who cares not for words?
I cannot speak volumes in silence as you do
but if it pleases you
and I hope it does
I will try

My silence sounds like this:


The sun rises in the north where I am
without you
and you see this sun too
I long to hold my lover
but she is more distant with each passing day
I am sitting on a hill of paper
stained with ink
scratched in horrible handwriting are poems
hundreds
half finished

How does one find words to describe love?
I have done it before
I have used my words up
I could write a thousand recycled poems about a beautiful young woman with the greenest eyes
I could tell her that I swim in them
that I long to be with her again
that her body is not a temple but the holiest of temples
that her heart is not a vessel but one that floweth over
I could write for days of her loveliness
and she would smile for me
but it would mean nothing to her
these tokens of love are trinkets
they are knick-nacks like she finds at a market
they are novel for a moment
even if there are volumes of them

How then, do I describe my love for her?
I cannot speak as a poet
though I pretend to be one here
on this web site.
I must take a step back as I often do.
two steps
I am standing in a mirror, watching myself type.
and I dictate these words:

I am not an anonymous speaker
I will not let readers project themselves into these words
My name is Jeff
and I'm not talking to a woman
with green eyes
and beautiful hair
and a playful smile

I am talking to the only woman that has eyes like hers
hair like hers
the only woman with that smile



Jess,
I have never felt sorrier
or weaker than I do right now
I am a broken man
I can't describe in a million words what you mean to me
I refuse to try
but I fear the silence
only because in silence I hear doubt
so time and time again I have spoken sweet nothings
whispered in bed
at dinners
and more recently
smiling at a camera built into a computer
looking at a digitized version of the most beautiful face I have ever gazed upon

You can shrug these things off
you can smile and say yes dear
but I want to look at you
I want to look deep into your eyes and promise you that my love is not fleeting

and if you ever believe me
if you ever believe a single stupid phrase that has come from my mouth
I want you to believe me this time
please



I love you
three words that have fallen into routine
to habit
I take back every time that it's been said in vain
in vanity
without thought
I take back every time I've said it before I met you
because before I knew you I didn't know love

I take all of these back
so that I can say these words to you again for the very first time,
in hopes that you will believe them
feel them as you first felt them
like arms keeping you safe
like a weak man made strong by your love

In these words I am holding you
a warm embrace
I want you to close your eyes and feel my love
and I will whisper it again
warm breath on your right ear

I love you




You smile
I smile
and I kiss you

and then you look at me
but you don't say anything
you don't have to


your silence says more than I could ever write out
It says: