I wander the libraries of charming words
I pillage the files of pickup lines
I listen to audiotapes
I reflect
I meditate
I read many fine books on the subject
I consider my past experiences
I pay close and careful attention to the way you speak
the way you smile
the things you like
the things you hate
I start writing things down as eloquently as possible
the prettiest words I have for you
But you aren't there
you don't seem to exist
a fleeting concept
like the people who once occupied your place
now vanished
everyone has moved on but me
everyone can get over it but me
am I insane?
How can it be that I am the only person who longs
the only person who needs
the only person who wishes to share everything with another
No one else is bothered
they all walk the earth as lonely souls but don't feel a thing
they are comfortable
How can I be this way?
sign me up!
I want to ignore my loneliness
I want contentedness in isolation
Or do I?
I will save the most wonderful words for the person who I can't place
and use the average ones on everyone else
I will find a way to get by
I will pretend I'm connecting
But what for?
She isn't who I'm looking for
she doesn't care about me
she doesn't long for me
I am her friend
why does that pain me, if she isn't a suitable lover? Am I settling?
The other one I see all too often
and she haunts me still
but she's miles away and I'll never have her
She's moved on
they've all moved on.
When do I move on?
I've tried and tried
all I do is feel empty
I feel good for a week
and then it crashes down
there's no point in being happy for someone else
especially if that someone else doesn't bother making you happy in return.
Fuck this. Fuck everything.
I'm going to bed.
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