I know this is getting redundant. I promise this is the last time.

the same thing
over and over
the same thing
over and over and over and over
like a broken gramophone
with a mint condition record
nothing wrong with my words
it's the worthless piece of shit that recites them
the needle scratches painfully into the groove
riding bumps and nooks i know all too well
I'm sick of this, I'm so sick of it

Fuck you. FUCK YOU.

I would, I have.

I'm so sick of this. I know you care, and I care about you.
but you're ruining yourself! I can't watch.

I will hand you the keys when you are drunk, I will pretend you are someone else's
you are! right? No longer mine.
not my lover, not my problem
Friends, friends. Yes.
But I can't be friends with you like this.
Moderation, right? "I'll never be that person", right?
These lies fall on deaf ears that have grown accustomed to smiling and nodding.
I would do anything for you, even let you ruin your life.
I am your friend
I love what you were
I like what you are
But you aren't who you claim to be, increasingly, and you've slipped into habits you
PROMISED
you wouldn't fall into.
I have stepped on your path, once, twice.
Maybe again.
I admit I am susceptible to temptation
even more so than greater men
But I don't break promises that big so easily,
without so much as an apology
Without notice...
"You're not mad, are you?
I know you, jeffrey"
she says it like we are still in love
fuck that.
I tell her I'm not
And it is true.
I am just, like many parents, disappointed
free will is something I cannot grant or deny
God I would do anything for who you once were
but all you've done since then is be someone else
Why can't i tell you this?
Why can't I put my foot down and break this silence
scream at you until your ears bleed
my throat cracks
and the rains of the end fall?
that is the question.
I care, I care
I tried! I fucking tried to care!
I've been so forgiving, so easy to let go
Oh, so you did this, fine, ok I can't fault you
(It's true I can't)
But honestly? I loved you so much
I hate that you've become this person
you were fine before
even when you were stubborn
even when you were touchy
even when you refused to let me be right
I still liked that you better

But I am driving now
I am driving north on Schoenerr
I am listening to Sufjan
I am crying.

crying
because I know I'll be here with you
for as long as you allow
and it will hurt
I will hate it sometimes
but other times I will know why I stay
why I don't blow up.

I am alone again
(broken record this time)
I hate being alone
it makes me feel like I might be alone forever

Alonesty

no definition
just a reminder that I do something here
I do something important here.
I write out everything that hurts me
so it can never hurt me again

I'm hanging up the payphone

I am throwing out all of my change

all six hundred and fifty four dollars and thirty two cents of it.

I'm not going to leave you those voicemails anymore

the ones I have never sent

No more whining, no more wishing you would come back for one night


I've given up on it.
so:
Friends. Friends.
For better or for worse.
I hope things get better
(the 'or' isn't exclusive, you know)

Where to? asks the me in this desert scene
filmed from the ground
I feel epic.

All roads closed, save for
two hopeless ones
and
one untraveled, unknown
and
one that drives smoothly to a destination i don't desire
and
thousands of others miles away.

I have feared this dirt for far too long.
I drink from the canteen full of sand
I choke it down, and leave all roads behind.

if I die, I will die free of worry
about finding a road somewhere, or back home
because I don't need a road
human legs are made for walking
even if it means they walk forever.

You can call me
I will answer
cell phone is roaming out here
but I think you're still free
Friends, Friends.

Cry on me when you're hurt
but I'm not going to save you
you won't let me.

the same thing, over and over
I could read it to you from memory
like flipped over cards with stars and circles
I love you I hate you I like you I want you
I Love you I hate you I Like you I want you
I hate this
I like you
I love you, past
I want you, present
but this will all move on
this will all pass
we'll laugh someday when we've both calmed down
but until then I'll pray you fix this yourself.

let go let go let go
I will scream in my bathroom
to no avail
time heals all wounds
I'll care until that time comes
when I can leave these crutches at home
and not carry them along with me
but see them any time I want.

longwinded
I know
but there's just a lot i needed to say
to you
but you'll never read this.
and if you do, this time of distress will have passed

thank you thank you
good night good night
I won't change you
I can no longer try
thank you thank you
goodnight goodnight
broken speakers
I'm not going to lie

Goodnight Goodbye
Thank you Thank me
someday.