Inappropriate Discontent

I could walk for seventy two miles and see fourteen gas stations and never stop once

I could drive myself crazy up and down an interstate highway

I could have everything you wanted and not care for it

I can tear a twenty dollar bill in half thinking about the fifty

I could watch a thousand children being born and only think about the one i let die

I could stand here
and tell you about this all day
but I feel I'm wasting my time
I have so little
I'm working in an hour
an hour!
I will work for 8, and forget about the one i have now.

I can't be happy with what I've accomplished
I need someone to tell me I'm alright
and I turn to everyone i know
but I don't think I really know anyone anymore

I feel alone, but i am surrounded
I can't be happy with the way things are...
it's not ambition
it's arrogance,
ignorance
and dependence

I must leave, i tell myself
leave and find what?
new people to support me
new people to be my spine
my frame
my support group
I can't call your hotline anymore
I can't hope to find an ego stroke
advice

it was free
but i suddenly cannot afford it
and my minutes are precious, moreso than my hours.

So I leave?

So I leave.

I wish i could be my own lover
my own father
my own mother
my own friend

but I can only be my own self.

and I'm not sure who that is, nowadays.